The Curse of Mummy Guilt

As a mumpreneur I’m lucky enough to be able to work pretty much anywhere the fancy takes me. I usually stick to my home office or front room simply because it’s familiar and comfortable but I’m always thankful that the option to change my scenery is available to me.

Take today for example. Today I am sitting at a table in a very noisy, very over crowded Wacky Warehouse, not the ideal work environment but perfectly functional. I’m here because my son has a birthday party to attend and it’s not the kind you can drop the kids off at (more’s the pity).

This is another benefit of working for myself. My to-do list is currently at an all-time high with a different task on every line of two A4 pages but I don’t have to stop working just because I’m surrounded by screaming five year olds.

As my eyes take a furtive glance around the room and I notice all of the other parents chatting, drinking coffee and catching up I wonder why I’m not jealous of their free time. Their ability to relax and do nothing astounds me. So then I begin to wonder, what’s wrong with me? Has somebody hit the permanent off switch on my relaxation skills?

The more I think of it, the more I realise that actually my brain never stops. Even when I’m not officially working, I’m mentally running through the list of things that need to be done. I take my laptop and phone to bed with me every night to complete tasks that I failed to finish during the day and even when I’m in the shower I’m planning the day ahead of me.

Have I become addicted to my business?

I think I have. My business rules my mind constantly. When things aren’t going as well as they should be, I’m trying to understand why. When business is booming, I’m constantly thinking of ways to ensure it stay that way. Is this some kind of illness that nobody tells you about until it’s too late or is it just plain old fashioned dedication to the job?

Regardless of what causes it, it’s beginning to worry me as, inevitably, I then begin to wonder ‘am I focussing more on my business than my children?’ If you want the honest answer, then sometimes I suppose I do. This is not something that I’m proud of but it’s the truth.

Sometimes I have so much going on with work that when it comes to my children, I find that I’m just going through the motions. I pick them up, cook their tea and do homework, all the while thinking about how to prioritise my tasks once they’re in bed.

The whole point of being a mumpreneur is to find that flexibility factor, be available for your children and discover that infamous work-life balance.  Have I missed the point completely?

I try to console myself with the fact that I’m working so hard to ensure my children have everything they ever need, to prove myself to those who don’t believe in me and to make my mark in the world but I’m now starting to think that maybe I’ve got it all wrong.

Am I the only mumpreneur that finds her mind thinking about work whilst she spends time with her children? Am I a terribly neglectful mother? Should I think about scaling back my business for the good of my children? Or do you think that as the children have never known any different, that they aren’t missing out on anything?

I long to be the best mother and the best business woman I can be, but have I missed the point?

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